October 13th, 2017
Birthdays are a fact of life and a chance to share cake with everyone. Yesterday a CNA I work with had a birthday and handed me a nice piece of cake. I thanked her and giggled as I asked her if she was 29 again. She replied, “No, I’m just turning 28.” Oh my! True story and I was mortified. Birthdays are meant to have fun even if they’re at my expense. I hope you find the rest of these birthday jokes funny:
One of the benefits of getting older is that all your favorite movies are being re-released in color.
After 40 when you get two invitations to go out on the same night, you pick the event that will get you home the earliest.
After 40 you realize you were meant for comfort and not for speed.
The oldest sister Valerie brought her brother a gift for his birthday. Before opening the gift, the brother shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner. Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, “A bottle of vinegar?” Valerie replied, “No.” Again, Vaughn touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. “A bottle of green tea?” His sister replied again, “No.” Finally, Vaughn asked, “I give up. What is it?” Valerie responded, “A puppy.” (wink)
And after 40 you sing along with elevator music.
These “over 40” birthday jokes are loving told and dedicated to my sister Tara celebrating her birthday today, and my sister Heather and brother Vaughn who are all having “over 40” birthdays tomorrow. May you each have a wonderful birthday and the joy last all year.
August 7th, 2015
My mother decided that I should get something practical for my 10th birthday. ‘Suppose we open a savings account for you?’ she suggested. ‘It’s your account, darling,’ my mother said as we entered at the bank, ‘so you fill out the application.’ I was doing fine until I came to the space for ‘Name of your former bank’. With just a slight hesitation, I put down ‘Piggy’. It was true.
My family had two girls born days apart in August which meant shared birthday for the early years for two very different girls. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in many ways, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist. Just to see what would happen, one year our father loaded the pessimist’s room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist’s room he loaded with horse manure. That night he passed by the pessimist’s room and found her sitting amid her new gifts crying bitterly. ‘Why are you crying?’ our father asked. ‘Because my friends will be jealous. I have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I’ll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken,’ answered the pessimist sister. Passing the optimist’s room, he found his daughter dancing for joy in the pile of manure. ‘What are you so happy about?’ he asked. To which she replied, ‘There’s got to be a birthday pony in here somewhere!’ (I’m still looking for that pony! LOL)
David’s wife is mad at him because he forgot her birthday. David saved his skin, ‘Sweetheart,’ he says. ‘How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?’ David’s a smart guy. He always remembers his little cousin’s birthday. It’s the day after she reminds him of it.
Most of all as I celebrate my birthday this weekend I am going to take time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag south as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it!
June 19th, 2015
It was Flag Day last Sunday. And Monday, no sooner had I started work when a volunteer came up to me and pinned the flag. I noticed the pin was rusty, so I put the flag in my pocket to avoid damage to my shirt. Awhile later another volunteer ran up to me and started to pin a flag on my shirt. (How can you refuse these sweet little volunteers their goal of pinning?)While she pinned I took out the flag from my pocket and showed it to her, she reprimanded me, “Well that is not very charitable. Bringing out last year’s flag”. LOL!
My sister and her husband were out shopping last weekend when they suddenly remembered that it’s our mother’s birthday today. My sister said, “Honey, can we look around for a birthday present for mom? She wants something electric.” The husband replied, “Sure, honey. How about a chair?” Tsk, tsk now … anyone who knows our mother knows that she’ll run circles around anyone, any day of the week! Happy birthday, Mom.
Many years ago, after putting the twins to bed, our parents heard muffled sobs coming from their room one night. Rushing back in, they found that one of them was crying hysterically. One of them, whom I won’t name, told our parents that he had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure that he would die now. Our father, in an attempt to calm him down and stop the crying took out a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it out from his ear. The child was really thrilled and stopped crying at once. In a flash, he snatched the penny from dad’s hand, swallowed it, and then cheerfully demanded, “Do it again, Dad!” Happy Father’s Day Dad! Thanks for all the childhood fun.