Tamara's Journeys

Journeys as great as the destinations.

New Year Jokes - Tamara's Journeys

New Year Jokes

January 2nd, 2015

The time is past for new year wishes. Now it’s time for a laugh. After all I remember 2014 like it was last week.

Dear Lord, it’s already January 2nd and so far this year I’ve done well. I haven’t gossiped, I haven’t lost my temper, I haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I’m very thankful for that.  But in a few minutes, Lord, I’m going to get out of bed, and from then on I’m probably going to need more help. Amen

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As in many homes on New Year’s Day, Janet and Nigel, a happily married couple, faced the annual conflict of which was more important: the football match on television, or the lunch itself.

Hoping to keep the peace Nigel ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-lunch chat before retiring to the lounge to turn on the television.

Some minutes later, Janet looked in to see how he was and graciously even bought a cold beer for Nigel. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was. Nigel told her it was half time and that the score was still 0-0.

‘See?’ Janet said happily, ‘You didn’t miss a thing.’

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Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year’s Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, ‘I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?’

‘Aha, you’ll know tonight,’ answered Max smiling broadly.

At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package.  Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: ‘The meaning of dreams’. (Oh, not good Max!)

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What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve?  I haven’t seen you for a year!

Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.

New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar. LOL

 

 

 

Tamara's Journeys

Journeys as great as the destinations.