Tamara's Journeys

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Friday Funnies - Tamara's Journeys

Friday Funnies

January 1st, 2016

 

‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste at the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared; the gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese and the way I’d never said, ‘No thank you, please.’

As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt and prepared once again to do battle with dirt –

I said to myself, as I only can ‘you can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!’

So – away with the last of the sour cream dip, get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished ‘Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won’t have a cookie – not even a lick. I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore. But isn’t that what January is for? Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

 

 

Ahh, yes, the ever popular New Year’s diet resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. Here’s another fun ones for Fido:

New Year’s Resolutions for the family dog:

I will not bark each time I see or hear a dog on TV.

I will not steal underwear belonging to my mistress and then dance all over the back yard with it.

I will not chew red crayons or pens, because my master will think that I am hemorrhaging.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my coat BEFORE I enter the house.

Happy New Year!!!

 

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  • Dad says on: January 1, 2016 at 9:30 am

     

    OK. You found some funny funnies. Enjoyed

Tamara's Journeys

Journeys as great as the destinations.