Tamara's Journeys

Journeys as great as the destinations.

Friday Funnies

April 22nd, 2016

In honor of the eight-day festival of Passover, which is celebrated by many of my close friends in the early spring to commemorate the emancipation of the Israelites from slavery in ancient Egypt, here are some funnies to share the joy of freedom that their ancestors gained.

First a little known tale of how G-d came to give the Jews the Ten Commandments. G-d first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a commandment. “What’s a commandment?” they asked. “Well, it’s like, THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY,” replied G-d. The Egyptians thought about it and then said, “No way, that would ruin our weekends.”

So then G-d went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment. They also asked, “What’s a commandment?” “Well,” said G-d, “It’s like, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL.” The Assyrians immediately replied, “No way. That would ruin our economy.”

So finally G-d went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment.  They asked, “How much?”  G-d said, “They’re free.”

The Jews said, “Great! We’ll take TEN!”

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G-d: And remember Moses, in the laws of keeping Kosher, never cook a calf in its mother’s milk. It is cruel. Moses: Ohhhhhh! So you are saying we should never eat milk and meat together. G-d: No, what I’m saying is, never cook a calf in its mother’s milk. Moses: Oh, Lord forgive my ignorance! What you are really saying is we should wait six hours after eating meat to eat milk so the two are not in our stomachs. G-d: No, Moses, what I’m saying is, never cook a calf in it’s mother’s milk!!! Moses: Oh, Lord! Please don’t strike me down for my stupidity! What you mean is we should have a separate set of dishes for milk and a separate set for meat and if we make a mistake we have to bury that dish outside… G-d: Moses, do whatever you want….

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How did Passover get its name? Since the Seder table is usually made larger, people can’t reach for the items on the table and invariably ask others: “Could you please Pass Over the matza, etc.”!

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A little boy once returned home from Hebrew school and his father asked, “what did you learn today?”

He answered, “The Rabbi told us how Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt.”

“How?”

The boy said “Moses was a big strong man and he beat Pharoah up.  Then while he was down, he got all the people together and ran towards the sea.  When he got there, he has the Corps of Engineers build a huge pontoon bridge.  Once they got on the other side, they blew up the bridge while the Egyptians were trying to cross.”

The father was shocked.  “Is that what the Rabbi taught you?”

The boy replied, “No.  But you’d never believe the story he DID tell us!”

Tamara's Journeys

Journeys as great as the destinations.