Tamara's Journeys

Journeys as great as the destinations.

New ’12 Days of Christmas’ Policy

December 18th, 2013

Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the “Twelve Days of Christmas” subsidiary:

 

  •    1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;

 

  •     2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;

 

  •     3) The three French hens will remain intact.  After all, everyone loves the French;

 

  •     4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voicemail system, with a call waiting option.  An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;

 

  •    5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could     have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order;

 

  •    6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity.  Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one;

 

  •    7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement;

 

  •    8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;

 

  •    9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number.  This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;

 

  •   10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill.  The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen.  While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;

 

  •   11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big.  A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line;

 

Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses.  Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient.  If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved. Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney’s association seeking expansion to include the legal profession  (“thirteen lawyers-a-suing”), a decision is pending.

 

Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

December 18th, 2013

I attended the advance screening of “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” last night. This movie is an epic tale about Walter, a daydreamer that escapes his unassuming life by disappearing into a world of fantasies filled with heroism, romance and action. However, when his job along with that of his co-worker are threatened, he takes action in the real world embarking on a global journey that turns into an adventure more extraordinary than anything he could have ever imagined.

Ben Stiller directs and stars in the movie. His beaten down demeanor and stone-faced expressions are spot on for the performance and a nice break from his usual slapstick roles. And Oscar winner Sean Penn perfectly captures the rugged fearlessness of a world weary photographer who recognizes the depth of Mitty.

The visuals in this film were particularly fantastic. From the New York offices of LIFE magazine all the way to Greenland, Iceland, the Himalayas. Each scene was perfectly captured and just beautiful. They even made some clever use of the landscapes to push the story along.

“Walter Mitty” works well as a decent ‘feel good film’ with plenty of sentimentality and charm along with a positive message about being present in your life to experience your best life.

I give it a 3/5 due to predictability, some crude comments, and action violence.

Tamara's Journeys

Journeys as great as the destinations.